


solace

by fizzydrink698



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 90s non-idol!chan is still Best Leader, Alternate Universe - 1990s, Childhood Friends, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Reader’s gonna realise in three years she’s a bit of a dom and this is where that journey starts, awkward flustered young people really badly wanna make out, the entire skz crew is here and it's one giant best friend support network
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 15:00:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29262393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzydrink698/pseuds/fizzydrink698
Summary: You slowly opened your eyes, holding your breath.Felix was sleepily smiling at you, eyes half-closed and dazed. He clearly wasn’t entirely lucid yet, still completely unaware, but he was still looking at you with so muchaffection.Your breath escaped in a sudden rush, unable to stop yourself looking up at him.Oh shit, his eyelashes. Hisfreckles. Sopretty.
Relationships: Lee Felix/Reader
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59





	solace

**Author's Note:**

> Get hyped for a lot of 90s pop culture references. The entire latter half of the decade was very meticulously researched.

_October 30th, 1999_

_“Did you hear that? Did you hear it? Where is he?”_

“I know I said this before,” you murmured, fingers curling around the cushion in your lap. “But…I think I hate this movie.”

Your best friend - sprawled on the couch next to you, one long leg propped up on the coffee table in front - grinned at you. “It’s good.”

“Oh, it’s great. I appreciate what it’s adding to the horror medium. It’s probably one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. I also _hate_ it and _hate you_ for making me watch it.”

Felix knew you well enough to know that you were lying through your teeth.

For years, your circle of friends had a special Halloween tradition. Arrange a sleepover, gorge yourselves on popcorn and sugary treats and watch horror movies until you all passed out.

Every year, you freaked out over how scary the movies were. Last year was especially embarrassing - Changbin had chosen _Scream 2_ , and Hyunjin had decided it would be a _great_ idea to sneak up on you in the kitchen wearing a Ghostface mask. Ten minutes later, the multiple noise complaints had led to Changbin’s parents asking you all to leave early.

This year would be different.

“I mean, I didn’t _make_ you watch anything. This was your idea.”

Technically speaking…yes.

Just a few hours ago, you had shown up at Felix’s door with a bag of popcorn and a newly-rented VHS copy of _The Blair Witch Project_.

It was your turn to pick the Halloween movie, and you had a genius plan: watch the movie the night before, and prepare yourself for any possible scares.

Watching it alone was out of the question - and you trusted Felix not to rat you out.

“ _Josh? Is that you down there?_ ”

This was it. This was the movie’s big crescendo.

The cameraman was making his descent, revealing the lone figure standing in the corner of the room, facing the wall.

Oh, _fuck_.

“Hate it, hate it, hate it,” you muttered, unable to tear your eyes away from the screen. “Hate it.”

You jumped as the camera clattered to the floor, footage still whirring as Heather screamed in the background.

And just like that, the movie ended.

You both sat there, staring at the screen as credits began to roll.

“…Wh-what the _fuck_?” Felix muttered.

Your heart was practically in your throat, beating away as you hunched over yourself.

“Hate it,” you repeated. “Horror movies are just the fucking _worst_.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Felix reaching for the remote. He hit eject, plunging the screen into a bright flare of blue as the video tape emerged from the VHS player.

You still didn’t budge a muscle.

“You OK?”

“…Mmhm. Fine.”

“Want me to turn the light on?”

“Please,” you whispered.

Felix laughed, but peeled himself off the couch and headed for the light switch.

Having the living room lights back on helped a little. The familiar sight of Felix’s living room - a warm, beige, _safe_ staple of your childhood - calmed your nerves, but you couldn’t shake that feeling of dread, built up by the movie’s slow, creeping pace.

You realised you were still gripping that cushion tight.

Felix noticed your lingering fear, and slowly returned to the couch to pass you the popcorn bowl.

“I…uh…I think Chan taped this week’s episode of _SmackDown_ , if you want…something dumb to watch? It might clear your head a little.”

You slowly grabbed a handful of leftover popcorn. “Sounds good.”

This was what you liked about Felix. Any of the others would have made fun of you - at least just a _little_ \- for your reaction to the movie.

Felix was just so…nice. Patient. The perfect horror movie partner.

As he busied himself putting away _The Blair Witch Project_ and finding the _SmackDown_ tape, you settled into the couch a little more, stretching your legs out to occupy the newly-vacated space. “When does Chan’s shift finish?”

“1, I think?” Felix replied with a shrug, glancing over at you. “He won’t be back for ages…are you stealing my seat?”

“Keeping it warm,” you corrected sweetly, wiggling your sock-clad feet.

“Uh-huh. Sure.”

As Felix inserted the tape, you shifted around on the couch. As much as this couch was a constant in your childhood, it was only getting more and more lumpy as the years wore on.

If the newly-formed painful twinge in your lower back was anything to go by, it was time for a replacement.

“Here we go,” Felix said brightly, pressing play halfway through the intro. He then looked back to you, and his eyes suddenly brightened. “Oh, do you want some brownies?”

You stared back at him. “…Is that even a _question_?”

“I made them yesterday. I don’t know if they’ll still be all nice and chewy,” Felix said, more to himself than to you. “But I added some nuts, and some white chocolate chips and it’s actually a _really_ great combo.”

“Less talking, more brownies please.”

Aside from the bedrooms and bathroom, the Bang-Lee apartment was one big open-plan space. The kitchen was neatly nestled into a corner of the living room, complete with a tiny island that doubled as the dining table. Over the sound of the gloating wrestler on-screen, you could hear Felix rummaging around.

The apartment was unusually quiet. Felix’s parents were away - a surprise weekend trip for their wedding anniversary, according to Felix - and with Chan out working until late, it was just you and Felix.

“Want me to microwave the brownies?”

You sat up, peeking over the back of the couch and spying the tupperware in his hands. “Nah, I’m good. Gimme.”

You accompanied your request with grabby hands, smiling all the while.

Felix smiled back at you, already returning to your side. You watched him set the tupperware box on the coffee table, and eagerly reached out for one of the delicious treats.

Only to let out a surprised yelp as you felt Felix’s warm hands grab you firmly by the ankles, lifting your legs to reclaim his seat on the couch. Before you could react, he set your legs back down, placing them on his lap and giving your ankles a gentle pat - as if to apologise for the rough treatment.

You turned your head to blink at him, eyes wide.

He stared back, at first calm and even a little mischievous. Then, his smile faded a little as you continued to stare, cheeks warming as he grew self-conscious. He opened his mouth to speak…

In one quick motion, you sat up, pivoted a full 180 degrees, and settled yourself back down, head now resting in his lap. You could feel Felix tense in surprise - but not discomfort - under you.

You tisked, craning your head to look up at his face. “Wow, Lix. Just grabbing a girl like that? So forward. I’m shocked.”

Felix looked away, and pouted. “Eat the brownies.”

Laughing, you did just that - grabbing one of the bite-sized brownie squares and shoving it into your mouth whole.

It was… _really_ fucking good. He was right, those white chocolate chips and the nuts were a _great_ combination.

“Felix Lee,” you mumbled through the brownie, staring up at him with wide eyes. “Can you please marry me?”

He didn’t even look down. “Sure, when are you thinking?”

“Now.”

“That’s pretty short-notice.”

“We could pull it off. I know a guy.”

He was trying _very_ hard to stay neutral, but you could tell Felix was threatening to crack a smile. “Are my brownies really that good?”

“Felix, I say this with total sincerity,” you declared, pressing your hand over your heart. “Yes, your brownies are that good. You would make one _hell_ of a wife.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Felix replied, shrugging off your compliments. “Unfortunately for you, I don’t think today works for me.”

“What a shame,” you sighed, reaching for another brownie.

“I’m sure you’ll live.”

“Yeah, but at what _cost_?”

Felix rolled his eyes, but was definitely smiling when he leaned over you to grab a brownie for himself.

You caught the way the dim light from the television glanced off his hair, and before you knew it, you found yourself speaking.

“Cool new hair colour, by the way. It really suits you.”

Felix’s head jerked down to look at you, brownie hovering halfway to his mouth. “Really?”

“Yeah,” you said. His sudden reaction had thrown you just a little bit. But it was true, the silver really did suit him. “And the length too, it’s…fluffy.”

He laughed at that, gaze going back to the television screen. From the angle you were lying down, you could barely make out the flush of his cheeks.

Complimenting Felix always gave you a bit of a warm buzz. He never argued it, never tried to bounce it off with a ‘nah, me?’ air of humility. He just gently took it, and tried to hide how touched just a few little words could make him.

Before you could stop yourself, you reached out to stroke his hair, just the ends that curled near his shoulders. “I like it.”

At this, he looked back down at you - and this time you could _definitely_ see the red in his cheeks. Your fingers stilled on his hair, barely brushing the strands.

His voice was soft. “…Thanks.”

You swallowed. “Um…you’re welcome.”

Had it…

Had it always been so warm in here? And so… _quiet_?

Looking at Felix was growing more and more difficult by the second, so you turned onto your side, head shifting down towards his knee as you fully-faced the television screen.

After a few seconds, you felt his hand very gently and _very_ reluctantly rest on your arm, pausing as soon as it made contact as if he were waiting for you to shrug him off.

You didn’t.

But holy _shit_ , did you feel…funny.

Felix was always touchy-feely. No one gave better hugs than him - and no one loved _being_ hugged more than you - so close contact wasn’t unusual between the two of you.

But this felt…different.

You never usually felt so _aware_ of him, how warm his hand was through the sleeves of your hoodie, every separate finger gently curling-

“You feeling any better?” Felix asked, squeezing your arm before letting go.

You cleared your throat, banishing any lingering inconvenient thoughts. “Uh…yeah, a little. The brownies definitely helped. Thanks.”

Felix hummed, before grabbing your arm again and giving it a little shake. “You excited for tomorrow? The others are gonna be _so_ freaked out by that movie.”

“I know, right? Hyunjin’s gonna freak the hell out. But, you know, serves him right for last year.”

“Agreed.”

The two of you lapsed into comfortable silence for the rest of the evening, absorbing yourselves into the dumb wrestling spectacle on TV as you finished the last of the brownies.

Now a little more relaxed and _finally_ done with over-thinking things, you found yourself nuzzling into Felix’s jean-clad thigh, your eyes drooping.

The apartment was so nice and warm, and the buzz of the television was such good white noise, you felt yourself just slipping, drifting to sleep.

You were just barely conscious when you felt a gentle hand on your head, stroking lightly.

And then you were sleeping.

* * *

_October 31st, 1999_

_Fuck_ this couch.

You were woken up, eyes bleary and head aching, by the pain in your lower back.

Wow, yeah, this couch _definitely_ needed replacing.

The red lights on the VCR alerted you to the time = 3:07am.

God _damn_ it.

You tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position to get back to sleep.

But you weren’t having much luck.

Felix must have gone to bed hours ago. Even Chan must be in bed, you thought wearily, considering his shift ended more than two hours ago.

That explained the silence of the apartment.

The… _unnerving_ silence of the apartment.

You swallowed, squeezing your eyes shut.

It was at this moment that your brain decided to turn traitor. It conjured the image of that scene in _Blair Witch_ with the guy standing in the corner, facing away.

_Nope_. Not now. Now was _not_ the time.

…But what if you opened your eyes, and there he was? Standing in the living room, not making a sound?

_Nope_.

Waiting for you to go back to sleep so he can _attack._

…Oh, for fuck’s sake. You were gonna have to go to Felix’s room, weren’t you?

It was a childhood tradition, since you first started having sleepovers. You would get scared - maybe because you had seen a scary movie, maybe because Chan had told a spooky story, maybe just because you were trying to sleep in a place that wasn’t home and it spooked you - and you would go curl up next to Felix.

Although, you hadn’t really done this since you were…what, fourteen? Fifteen?

Maybe you could tough it out. Just try to block out all _Blair Witch_ -related thoughts and try to get some sleep.

…But this _fucking_ couch too.

There we have it, you thought, slowly sitting up. It’s the couch. You could mess up your back sleeping here. If it weren’t for that, you would _totally_ just stick it out like a grown-up.

As quietly as you could, you padded towards Felix’s room - knowing your way through the apartment like the back of your hand. Felix’s room was the first door on the right.

Silently, you pushed open the door.

His room was barely illuminated by the streetlight outside, the blinds on his window not quite able to shutter the light out entirely. You could just make out the outline of a sleeping Felix on his bed, tangled in blankets and curled up on one side.

Carefully, you made your way to the empty side of the bed.

Part of you was eager to just flop into the empty space.

But the smarter part of you pointed out that _maybe_ you should ask Felix if this was OK before you did so.

Reaching over, you awkwardly poked him in the shoulder.

“Felix?” You whispered.

He didn’t move.

You poked again. “Lixie?”

The sleeping mass groaned in response, curling in on itself even tighter.

Your hand flattened against his arm, and you give him a quick squeeze. “Lixie, is it OK if I sleep here?”

There was a pause, before Felix’s voice - _husky_ from sleep, almost gravel-like - responded. “’K.”

That was all the permission you needed. You slipped under the blankets, burrowing yourself into his soft mattress.

_Yes_. This was more like it. No back pain for _you_.

You whispered back. “Thanks.”

You expected Felix to go back to sleep immediately, if he hadn’t done so already, so you were surprised when he turned over and carefully slid his left arm around your shoulders, under your neck, and pulled you into the familiar warmth of a Felix hug.

Just like when you were kids, you thought with a smile, and buried your face into his shoulder.

And this was _almost_ enough for you to finally go back to sleep.

Almost.

There was just one tiny problem.

Your hoodie, well-equipped for the thin blankets of the couch and the chill of the living room, was now _stifling_ under the warmth of Felix’s blankets - not to mention the added body heat of the boy at your side.

You were already breaking out into a sweat. You could feel it beading on your forehead, sliding down your back.

You…you could _in theory_ take it off.

The only problem was that the only thing you were wearing underneath it was a sports bra.

And…that just felt like it would be… _weird_.

Right?

Sneaking into Felix’s bed to _sleep_ was one thing.

But actually undressing? Even just thinking it made your mouth go dry. What if Felix freaked out?

On the other hand, you could spend hours lying awake in a puddle of your own sweat.

Taking a deep breath, you turned to Felix.

“Uh, Felix,” you whispered. “Do you…mind if I take off my hoodie? I’m, like, _way_ too warm.”

His reply was mumbled, already half-asleep. “Sure, do whatever.”

You let the breath out, a little more reassured by his nonchalant response. Maybe you were just overthinking again.

“Cool,” you said, sitting up to grab the edges of your sweatshirt. Feeling more confident, you tried to sound casual. “I’ve got a sports bra on anyway, so it’s all fine.”

Already pulling sweatshirt up around your head, you missed the way Felix tensed in surprise - but not the way his breath caught in his throat.

“Uh,” he coughed, clearing his throat. “OK, um, that’s…that’s cool with me.”

Finally discarding your sweatshirt, you dropped it by the side of his bed and lay back down beside him.

The fabric of Felix’s pyjama shirt felt soft against your bare skin. You shifted your weight a little, resting your cheek against his shoulder.

This wasn’t a big deal.

This was not. A. Big. Deal.

This was you and Felix, best friends since you were practically babies.

This was _fine_.

“Good night, Lixie,” you muttered into his shirt.

There was a pause, before you felt him squeeze your shoulder. “G’night.”

* * *

You eased into consciousness with a slight groan, head fuzzy from the poor sleep you got. You felt something soft pressing against the bridge of your nose, and when you peeked through your lashes, you recognised the soft faded grey t-shirt you were pressing your face into.

Felix. That’s right, you were with Felix. You could see the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the deep breaths he took as he slept.

You closed your eyes again, nuzzling into him a little more, already about to slip back into sleep when you felt it.

An unfamiliar…weight.

Right on your chest.

You opened your eyes, _slowly_ tilting your head to look down at yourself. It can’t be what you’re thinking, it _can_ _’t_ …

But there it was.

Felix’s hand.

On your breast.

You blinked at it, waiting for the scene to change. To reveal that no, silly, your childhood best friend Felix wasn’t copping a feel right this _fucking second_.

It didn’t change.

There it stayed, his right hand, warm and firm, wrist resting in the valley between your breasts, fingers spread out almost daintily, stark pale against the dark material of your sports bra.

You were in shock, a weird numb shock.

And that’s why it took you a second to notice where your _own_ hand was.

Because there, snaked between the two of your bodies, was your innocent little right hand resting oh-so-casually on Felix’s inner thigh.

Millimetres - you were talking a fucking _hair_ _’s_ breadth - from his crotch.

And Felix’s crotch was a No-Go Zone.

The Point of No Return.

Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here, Your Friendship Is About To Get Super Weird.

You swallowed thickly, brain sluggishly trying to catch up to this situation and a half you had woken to.

You needed to get out of this situation, you thought as you stared down at your traitorous hand. But you also _needed_ to make sure Felix had _zero fucking knowledge_ of what was happening.

Should you try to do it slowly? Ease away from him and hope your movements didn’t disturb him?

Or should you do it quickly? Like ripping a band-aid, so fast that when he definitely wakes up, he has no clue what’s happening and where anything is?

Both of these plans had merit. You were stuck at this metaphorical fork in the road, struggling to make a decision.

And then Felix’s hand shifted in his sleep, his nail just _grazing_ over your sensitive nipple.

_Fuck._

Your breath hitched, and on instinct your hand flexed around Felix’s thigh.

His...surprisingly firm thigh? Shit, had Felix been going to the gym or something-

Your head emptied itself of all thought as, with a grunt, a still-sleeping Felix pulled you closer to him.

In normal circumstances, you’d be all for this. Felix hugs are the _best_ hugs.

But not at this moment.

Because in this particular circumstance, a tighter Felix hug meant your hand had shifted from its place on his thigh to _directly_ on his crotch.

You immediately jerked your hand away, like his dick was a hot stove, breath escaping you in a panic.

Calm. Keep calm. You definitely _didn_ _’t_ just accidentally palm Felix’s crotch.

And you definitely, _definitely_ , **_definitely_** didn’t notice that Felix…to put it delicately, was pitching a tent.

So, here you were. Pressed up against your best friend in bed, hand awkwardly hovering in mid-air above his morning wood, brain entirely unable to function.

And desperately trying to ignore the pulse of…of _something_ between your legs.

You knew that if you looked down, you would see the peaks of your nipples against the thin sports bra.

It’s just a physiological reaction, you tried to assure yourself. It’s just science. The human body doing its weird shit. Blame science.

Felix grunted again in his sleep. His breath brushed against your ear delicately, sending shivers down your body.

Oh no.

Oh no, you _liked_ this.

You couldn’t breathe.

Holy shit, now was _not_ the time for a sudden epiphany.

Now was the time to run away, possibly screaming. Flee back to the safety of _appropriate platonic personal space._

It was at that moment that Felix began to stir, eyelashes fluttering as he slowly began to wake.

_Fuck_.

On instinct, your eyes snapped shut, your hovering hand dropping to your side.

If you couldn’t run away, you could at least fake sleep. Leave Felix to deal with the situation _he_ had put you in.

_Please_ let him think you were sleeping.

You lay there, eyes closed, trying to keep your breathing as slow and even as you could.

Any second now. Felix would pull away and run to the bathroom, and you could pretend this never happened.

_Any_ second now.

And then you felt it. His hand - the innocent one, the boobless one, the one attached to the arm around your shoulders - drifting upwards. It nestled at the nape of your neck, stroking softly.

Huh?

You slowly opened your eyes, holding your breath.

Felix was sleepily smiling at you, eyes half-closed and dazed. He clearly wasn’t entirely lucid yet, still completely unaware, but he was still looking at you with so much _affection._

Your breath escaped in a sudden rush, unable to stop yourself looking up at him.

Oh shit, his eyelashes. His _freckles_. So _pretty_.

Holy fuck, was Felix _always_ this attractive? How had you never seen this before?

No wonder so many girls in high school had crushes on him. He was… _gorgeous_.

It was then that you caught the _exact_ moment Felix spotted where his other hand was. The way his eyes widened, attention locked on the trespassing limb.

A moment of silence passed between you.

You wondered if he had clocked the morning wood yet.

And with what could only be described as a _shriek_ , Felix bolted away from you. So much so, he disappeared over the side of his bed, falling to the floor with a loud _thud_ and a pained groan, taking most of the blankets with him.

…Yeah, he’d probably noticed the boner.

The sharp cold of the air against your blanket-less limbs was a shock to the system. You sat up, drawing your legs against you as you huddled for warmth.

Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted Felix’ mass of limbs, half-tangled in the blankets. To be fair, it looked like a bad fall.

Your voice was croaky as you spoke. “Felix? You OK?”

Felix’s reply was barely a mumble. You noticed he’d managed to duck his head under the blankets, hiding his shame. “…Kill me. Please kill me.”

The embarrassment - the actual _fear_ \- in his voice made your heart ache. Awkward erection shenanigans aside, this was still your best friend. And he was scared.

You shifted closer to the edge of the bed, and tried to reassure him. “Felix. Please get off of the floor.”

“No,” came Felix’s response, muffled under layers of blankets. If anything, he retreated even _further_.

“I-it’s OK. Shit happens.”

At this, Felix actually lifted the blankets off of his head just to shoot you a look of _pure_ ‘what-the-fuck’ confusion.

You doubled down, feeling unreasonably defensive despite yourself. “You know, science and shit. Bodies doing…stuff.”

Felix groaned in pain, cheeks flushing. “Oh God, please stop.”

“Shut up, I’m trying to say it’s _fine_. Now get off the floor.”

“No,” he repeated. His cheeks burned an even darker red as he hid back under the blankets. “I’m…waiting for…stuff to…go away.”

You blinked. “Oh. Like, you mean, it…uh, hasn’t yet?”

Felix’s response was just a groan of embarrassment, wordless and yet it spoke _volumes_.

You rubbed the back of your neck, trying to figure out how to change the blankets. “But you took all the blankets, asshole. I’m cold.”

A strained laugh came from the pile of blankets. “I’m _awar-_ ”

He cut himself off, but just a little too late.

_I_ _’m aware?_

You frowned. And then looked down at yourself.

There, still poking through your sports bra, was clear physical evidence of how cold you were.

You _flushed_ , rendered _completely_ fucking speechless.

And because the universe didn’t hate you enough today, it was at this moment that Chan burst through Felix’s bedroom door.

“Lix, I heard a-”

He froze, staring.

You stared back.

Felix, having bolted up to a sitting position at the sound of his brother, stared back.

You could only imagine what was going through Chan’s head.

You, blushing, sat on Felix’s bed, arms frantically huddling around yourself to shield your chest from sight.

Felix, incredibly flustered, hair messy, blankets pooled around his waist to hide his lower half.

You opened your mouth, those infamous words of ‘ _it_ _’s not what it looks like!’_ on the tip of your tongue.

But Chan was already reeling back, mouth gaping open and shut like a goldfish as he backed away through the doorway. “I…uh…I’ll…just…go now.”

He all but slammed the door shut, leaving the two of you alone.

Felix hid his burning face in his hands. “Fuck. My. _Life._ ”

* * *

It was decided.

You and Felix would just _never_ mention the Morning Incident again.

Ever.

You both agreed to this deal in an awkward silence, sweatshirt back on and erection entirely dissipated.

It would be easy. Already, it felt like a weird dream. Maybe one day, you would just look back at it and laugh. No one ever needed to know.

It should have been exactly what you wanted.

And yet, there was something in you that twinged when you remembered Felix’s words after you decided to forget all about it.

_“It didn’t even mean anything, like you said. Just biology. There’s no need to ruin everything over it_.”

Didn’t mean anything. Yeah.

You stared down at the snack bowl on your kitchen counter, half-full of popcorn. A second bag was still in the microwave.

No need to ruin your friendship.

Felix had decided. And so had you.

You would forget everything - epiphany and all.

To your pure and total _horror,_ you felt your eyes sting.

What the fuck? You were _not_ crying right now.

You grabbed a handful of popcorn, shoving it into your mouth. You knew logically it should taste like buttery salty goodness, but all you could taste was cardboard.

You let out a deep breath. OK. This was clearly something that you needed time to think about. Maybe a trusted ear to vent to. Instinctively, your mind went to Yeji, Hyunjin’s little sister. Not for the first time, you were a little disappointed she wouldn’t be making an appearance tonight - she’d been invited to a classmate’s house party. She was your first port of call for girly talks.

You’d just have to visit her soon. Have a one-to-one girly afternoon.

The stinging behind your eyes receded.

That sounded like a good plan.

Maybe Mrs. Hwang would make you some tea, maybe even her chicken noodle soup…

The timer on the microwave pinged, signalling your popcorn was ready. You busied yourself with pouring it into the bowl, being careful not to burn your fingers.

Until you could talk things through, you would just have to suck it up.

Tonight was your Halloween movie night. And you would _not_ mess this up for anything in the world.

Before long, there was a knock at your door. You pulled yourself together, put on a bright smile and made your way over to open the door.

As soon as you did so, you found yourself face-to-face with a Ghostface, towering over you.

You faltered, eyes widening.

And then scowled.

“Fuck you, Hyunjin.”

Ghostface chuckled, shoulders shaking under his cloak. He reached up, taking off his mask to reveal the familiar face of best friend and total dickhead, Hwang Hyunjin.

“Couldn’t resist,” he shrugged, already pushing past you to wander into the living room. “No one else here yet?”

“Nope,” you replied, shutting the door. “Your eagerness to be an asshole has made you astonishingly early.”

“Is that why you’re not wearing a costume?” Hyunjin asked, flopping down onto your coach.

You paused, biting your lip.

You had picked out your costume weeks ago. You loved it. You were excited to wear it. Up until this morning.

“Uh, I kind of had cold feet about my costume,” you admitted. “I didn’t realise how…skimpy it was until I put it on.”

Hyunjin raised an eyebrow. “Skimpy? What did you get? Sexy cat? Sexy Trinity? Sexy ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin?”

Holy shit, a sexy Steve Austin costume would be _amazing_. “No…it’s a Xena costume.”

Hyunjin whistled, nodding to himself. “Good choice.”

“And it’s not even a sexy Xena. Actually, it’s probably less sexy than actual Xena.”

_“Everything_ is less sexy than actual Xena,” Hyunjin retorted. “…Except maybe Uhm Jung-hwa.”

You placed the popcorn bowl on the living room table. “I dunno, would it be weird if I wore it to movie night with you guys?”

“Why would it be weird?” Hyunjin asked, already grabbing a handful from the bowl. “Like…OK, you didn’t hear it from me, but Changbin was _seriously_ considering going as Tarzan this year.”

“What, seriously?”

“Yeah, loincloth and all. Dude’s proud of his gym results,” he shrugged. “I think he pussied out last minute, but just because it’s so cold. Not because it would be weird. So if you like the costume, why not wear it?”

You mulled this over, leaning against the sofa. It did look kinda cute when you tried it on. “I…OK, but…if _anyone_ laughs at me, I’m punching them in the face.”

“No one’s going to laugh at you,” Hyunjin reassured you with a roll of his eyes. “At least, you know, in a shitty way.”

How reassuring.

“…OK,” you said, after some deliberation. “But I mean it. If you laugh, I punch you in the face.”

“I’m not gonna laugh, moron. No one is.”

You left him to his own devices in the living room, too busy preoccupied with your own internal worrying over your costume.

It was already spread out on your bed, a faux-leather tunic just a touch longer than a minidress, complete with intricate-looking breastplate, fake sword and plastic chakram.

You had picked it out because, let’s be real here, Xena was a _badass_ and you looked decent in the dress.

But the thought of wearing it in front of Felix made you feel…silly. Like you were trying too hard.

You stared down at the dress, fingers gently grazing the fancy breastplate.

Of course…you _did_ say the two of you should forget this morning ever happened.

And you know for a fact that _if_ it hadn’t happened, you would have _zero_ qualms about wearing something like this around the boys.

So, actually…maybe you _should_ wear it. As _proof_ that this morning hadn’t affected you at all, and you could continue to act as normal.

Decision made, you grabbed the dress and got to work.

It was a pretty snug fit, pushing your breasts up to the point that despite the relatively modest neckline, a hint of cleavage was on show. The skirt fell to just below mid-thigh, flaring out a little. You attached the fake sword to the belt around your waist, and the plastic chakram…well, you just kinda had to carry that around. But it looked _sweet_.

All in all, the costume was pretty cool. And you definitely would not think about what anyone’s reaction to the cleavage would be.

Definitely not.

You returned to the living room to find Hyunjin sat on the couch, alongside a new arrival: Han.

The pair hadn’t noticed you yet, heads bowed together in quiet conversation.

You wandered over, frowning.

“…so, like, did _you_ know something was going on?” Han was whispering.

Hyunjin’s response was pure confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Yeah,” you said, dropping yourself onto the couch next to Han. “What are you talking about?”

Han stared at you, like a kid caught with his hands in the cookie jar. “Nothing!”

You raised an eyebrow.

“Huh, wow. Not suspicious at all there,” Hyunjin commented.

You nodded. “Yeah, Han, no offence but…”

Hyunjin sighed. “You’re a terrible liar.”

You fought a smile. Ragging on Han’s abysmal lying skills was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

“Horrible, honestly,” you added.

“I’ve still never forgiven you for ruining Santa Claus for all of us.”

Ten years on, that was still a sore spot for your circle of friends. Jeongin still hadn’t quite forgiven him.

Han pouted. “I keep _telling_ you, I didn’t _mean_ to! Blame my dad!”

“No, Han. We blame you,” Hyunjin deadpanned, putting a hand on his shoulder.

You mirrored him, putting your own hand on Han’s other shoulder. “We will _always_ blame you.”

Han’s mouth gaped open at his friends, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy. “Why is everyone ganging up on _me_?”

You managed to hold out against Han’s puppy-dog eyes for exactly three seconds, before crumbling. As Hyunjin’s hand fell from Han’s shoulder, you lifted your own to pinch Han’s cheeks, leaning in. “Oh, _Jisung_. Aren’t you _adorable_?”

Han pouted even deeper. “Shut the fuck up.”

You reached up with your other hand to cradle his face, squishing his cheeks. “Such strong language from such a _cute little guy_ -”

You were cut off by the sound of someone’s throat clearing.

You looked up, hands still clasping Han’s face, to see Felix and Chan stood in your doorway.

You were briefly stunned by the sight, your mind demanding to know how the _fuck_ Felix managed to look that attractive as a fucking _zombie_.

And then you noticed their expressions.

Chan had one eyebrow raised, eyes flickering between Han and you.

And Felix was just staring at you, wide-eyed.

You stared back.

From between your hands, Han made some kind of mumbled squawk of a sound and pulled his head away.

Hyunjin was stood by the front door, hand still resting on the doorknob, watching this bizarre tableau. “Uh…hey, look, Chan and Felix are here.”

* * *

This was hell.

There you sat, on the opposite end of the couch to Felix, trying desperately not to look his way.

And, likewise, Felix was staring straight ahead, trying desperately not to look your way.

And Chan kept glancing at the both of you, trying desperately to figure out what the _fuck_ you two were doing.

That was the major hitch in your whole ‘forget the Morning Incident’ plan. Chan.

Thankfully, the rest of the boys were too distracted by the increasingly harrowing scenes of _The Blair Witch Project_ to notice this tension. Under any other circumstances, you’d be patting yourself on the back at the sight of Hyunjin and Changbin’s discomfort.

Instead, you were too focused on your growing urge to get the fuck out of this room for just a second.

Noticing the empty popcorn bowl in Seungmin’s lap, you took the opportunity it presented. “I’m just gonna refill the popcorn.”

You didn’t get a response, which was somewhat reassuring. You managed to enjoy the briefest hint of glee at the way Hyunjin flinched when you leaned over to grab the bowl. Sweet revenge for last year’s Ghostface antics was yours at last. You patted him on the head on your way to the kitchen.

As soon as you closed the kitchen door behind you, you let out a sigh - part relief, part frustration. How could acting normal be so _difficult_?

It would be easier if you were just embarrassed, but it was becoming rapidly clear that it was more than that. When you looked at Felix, you didn’t think of the awkward boob-grabbing or accidental-crotch-groping. You thought of the way his face twisted when he talked about the incident ‘ruining everything’, the eagerness he showed in just…dismissing it all.

Ugh. This was so dumb.

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

You turned around to see Chan, leaning against the kitchen door. You did _not_ like the concerned expression on his face, nor the fact that it was somehow _enhanced_ by the grim pallor of his zombie make-up.

“If I say no, would it even matter?” You mumbled, setting the popcorn bowl on the counter.

“If I say it’s because I’m worried about you, would _that_ matter?” Chan asked, gentle but firm.

You blinked. “Oh no. I know that voice. You’re using the _dad_ voice.”

“Uh… _dad_ voice?”

“Yeah, you know,” you shrugged, clearing your throat. Tilting your head, you fixed him with your best ‘dad-Chan’ look - brows slightly furrowed, eyes soft with compassion, jaw stoically firm - but not clenched - to suggest a quiet strength. “ _I_ _’m concerned about you, so I just want you to know that I’m here if you need someone to talk to. Anytime_.”

Chan stared at you. “…That’s kind of unnerving.”

“If you thought _that_ was unnerving, never ask Changbin to do your…” You trailed off, eye twitching slightly at the memory. “ _Daddy_ voice.”

“…I’m sorry, _what_?”

“In his defence, it was mostly just a joke…and a little bit hypothesising in the name of scientific theory.”

“That’s really not a defence at all…wait a second,” he paused, expression softening. “You’re deflecting.”

You bit your lip. “Because I already know what you’re going to say.”

“So, can you just let me say it?”

You huffed, bracing yourself for the worst, and nodded.

“You know, it’s OK if you want to keep it a secret, but I honestly think no one’s going to have a problem with you guys dating.”

That…

That was _absolutely not_ what you thought he was going to say.

“We’re your friends, and we love both of you. I’m sorry you didn’t feel that you could tell us.”

“M-me and Felix aren’t _dating_.”

The words came out before you could stop them.

Chan blinked, eyes widening. “…O- _oh_. Oh, I…th-that’s also fine! You guys don’t have to be… _dating_ -dating, I don’t want you to think…”

Chan always did ramble when he was nervous, or panicking, or embarrassed. You had a feeling that on this occasion, he was all three.

You finally showed mercy and spoke up before he could insert his foot any deeper into his mouth. “We’re not…ahem, involved. At _all_. It’s all just a misunderstanding.”

“…A misunderstanding?”

“Mm-hm.”

“So, you and Felix…aren’t…?”

“Nope. Not even, like…kissing. Just friends.”

“Oh.”

“Yep.”

An awkward silence fell between the two of you.

And, in an irrational urge to fill this silence, you made the mistake of blurting out, “Besides, me and Felix would never work out.”

Chan was entirely expressionless. “What makes you say that?”

“I…we…it just wouldn’t. I don’t like him and he doesn’t…” you swallowed, and you realised that for the second time that night, you were on the verge of tears. You hadn’t realised how sharply the words in your head stung until you tried to say them out loud. “He doesn’t like me.”

Chan, to his credit, was not panicked by the sight of your tears. Over two decades of experience as the eldest of your rag-tag pack of friends had prepared him for emotional support.

He crossed the distance between the two of you, pulling you into a hug. You buried your face in his shoulder, not quite _crying_ exactly but just…aching. You felt him tentatively pat you on the back.

“I think there’s a little more to this,” he mused into your hair. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, and let it all come tumbling out of your mouth. “It’s just so _unfair_. Lix was the one who started this, and it’s like…it’s like he just dumped all these weird new feelings on me, and then just went _psych!_ and ran away. And now I’m all…I’m all confused and hurt and…and it sucks. He sucks.”

“He does suck,” Chan agreed.

You sniffled. “But I think I like him.”

“I think you do too.”

You let out a pained, frustrated groan into his chest. “Ugh. Why?”

“Incredibly poor taste? A bump to the head?” Chan suggested, before slowly and gently drawing back to look you in the eye. “Or you just did what a lot of people do. You saw a good friend in a different light, and you did the very human thing of growing feelings towards them.”

Your nose wrinkled. “Ew.”

“But if you want my advice,” Chan said, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear and smiling softly at you. “I think you should tell him all this yourself.”

“ _What_? No!” You immediately stepped back. “No, that’s a _terrible_ idea. What if I…what if it ruins our friendship?”

“I think you should have a little more faith in just how strong your friendship is,” Chan chided you, raising an eyebrow. “I mean, not to pick at old wounds but…we’re still friends.”

You scowled. “Uh, yeah, but I was _twelve_. And I didn’t tell you my feelings, you read my dream journal like a _jerk_.”

“And I will never be able to apologise enough for my fourteen-year-old dickwad self. But the point still stands.”

You remained unconvinced, eyebrow raised.

“And what about Jisung, huh? You’re still friends with him.”

“So what? He never had a crush on me.”

Chan opened his mouth to say something, before snapping it shut.

You stared at him. “…Right?”

He paled.

“Christopher Bang-Lee. Are you telling me _Han_ had a crush on me?”

“…Was this not…a thing…you knew?”

“ _No_. No, it wasn’t! _When_ was this?”

“I don’t know. Start of high school, maybe? It cooled off after a few months, but…you _really_ didn’t notice?”

“No! What, did _you_ notice?”

“Well, yeah. He’s not exactly subtle…” Chan trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I think we’re getting a little off-topic here.”

You averted your eyes, swallowing down a lump in your throat. “Well…it just proved my point. Maybe my friendship with Han _wouldn_ _’t_ have survived if he told me he liked me.”

Chan tilted his head, eyeing you closely. “Because it would have been awkward?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

“OK. So, you’re telling me you and Felix now… _aren_ _’t_ awkward?”

“It could get better,” you argued, but your voice was a little weak.

“Or you have nothing to lose if you tell him,” Chan pointed out. “Come on. It’s _Felix_. You think he’s gonna suddenly cut you out?”

“No, it will be _worse_ than that!”

“Worse?”

You sighed, turning around to open the cupboard for more microwave popcorn packets. You needed a little time to put your fears into words. “He’ll be so nice about it. He’ll feel so guilty about hurting my feelings, and try to let me down gently. Maybe he’ll feel pressured into trying to act like everything’s normal but…really, I’ll just make him uncomfortable.”

You could picture Felix’s face, guilty and pitying.

And then you felt Chan’s hand on your shoulder. The familiar warmth of it, the reassuring weight.

“I think you don’t give Felix, or _yourself_ , enough credit. And I think you’ve forgotten how many people are here to support you.”

Oh no.

The tears were back.

With a vengeance.

You tried to laugh it off, busying yourself with the popcorn. “Thanks for making me cry, asshole.”

“Anytime,” he said, giving your shoulder the tiniest of squeezes.

In the hopes of distracting yourself, you focused on the bizarre revelation that little fourteen-year-old Han had a crush on you. You dimly remembered those days, that summer before high school. And you frowned, remembering that Han had been…kind of a little shit that summer. He would tease you relentlessly, always hanging around you, demanding more and more of your time. You had the distinct memory of his face when he first saw the poster of Christian Slater on your bedroom wall, and made fun of you for liking him for _weeks_.

With hindsight, it was easy to see just what had fuelled that pettiness.

Ugh. Boys.

And then, quite unexpectedly, your mind turned to the image of Felix staring at you tonight when he first arrived. You had assumed at the time that it was just residual awkwardness that made him look at you like that.

But then you remembered your hands squishing Han’s cheeks. How close your face must have been to his.

“Uh…so, you said that _you_ noticed that Han used to have a crush on me. Did…Felix know too?”

The sight of that odd little frown on Felix’s face burned in your mind, the wide eyes as he took in the sight of you.

“Yeah, he did.”

And just like that, a tiny spark of hope in your chest was re-ignited.

Had Felix been _jealous_?

Before you could dwell on that thought, Chan cleared his throat and withdrew his hand.

“Well, I’ve been in here a suspiciously long time. I’m gonna go back to that _fucking_ movie and hope it doesn’t scar me for life.”

The genuine hostility in his voice towards the movie drew a real laugh out of you. “Enjoy.”

“I won’t.”

You heard the door open and close behind you, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

One tiny little look didn’t mean anything.

You could _easily_ be completely mistaken about this.

Telling Felix was a dumb idea.

Right?

You sighed, closing your eyes.

You were really going to do this, weren’t you?

* * *

Getting Felix alone was more difficult than you expected.

For starters, you had to wait until the movie was over, which was a challenge in and of itself.

You sat there, nerves and anticipation thrumming in your veins, making you twitchy as you watched the scenes on-screen play out. The suspenseful terror that had scared you so powerfully yesterday was now barely registering in your mind, just a succession of images and sounds as your mind worked overtime.

And while you had looked anywhere _but_ Felix before your conversation with Chan, now your gaze kept drawing back to him. You watched him out of the corner of your eye, fidgeting as he did his best to look engaged with a movie he’d already seen less than twenty-four hours ago.

And when the movie hit its horrific climax, he sneaked a look over at you - and froze when he realised he had been caught.

Both of you turned back to the screen almost immediately. Inside, your thoughts were spiralling. Was he looking at you because he liked you? Was he looking because he felt you staring? Was he embarrassed at being caught? Was he weirded out that you had been looking at him in the first place?

Finally - _finally_ \- the movie ended, seven-ninths of its audience staring in horror at the way the camera dropped to the floor, the protagonist’s screams echoing off-screen.

You sighed in relief.

Coming from somewhere on the floor, you heard Minho’s _wounded_ voice. “What the fuck? It ends like _that_?”

“Holy shit, that was fucking _dark_ ,” Chan chimed in, stretching out his arms in the spot next to you. “I love it.”

“Wait, so…did they all… _die_?” Jeongin asked, straightening up. “Like, even Heather?”

You managed to put on a smirk. “What’s wrong, guys? Too spooky for you?”

“OK, _no way_ are you not scared by that movie. I’m calling bullshit,” Hyunjin argued, pointing an accusatory finger at you. “You literally hid in the kitchen for like ten minutes.”

Before you could argue - although, really, you weren’t sure exactly _how_ you could without confessing the truth of your kitchen visit - Felix spoke up from his side of the couch. “I liked it.”

Just the sound of his voice was more than enough to hold your attention.

You turned your head sharply to look at him, as he continued. “I think it added a lot to the horror medium.”

You stared at him, thrown by your own words coming out of his mouth.

He remembered what you said. He had listened.

It was a reminder that all awkwardness aside, Felix was still one of your best friends and valued what you had to say, even pithy throwaway comments you mumbled when you were scared.

Chan was right. You had to give your friendship with Felix a little credit. It _had_ to be strong enough to survive this.

And more than that, you _owed_ it to him to be honest about what you were feeling.

Silently, you squeezed Chan’s arm. When he turned towards you, you were fairly sure he was already expecting the determined expression on your face, the way your mouth slowly mouthed the word ‘now’.

Chan cleared his throat, addressing the room as he continued to stretch out. “Well, we’ve still got a couple of hours to spare. Let’s see if there’s something good on TV. Lix, do you wanna go upstairs and grab some more snacks? Last I checked, we were running a little low here.”

Felix made a show of reluctance, complaining about having to get up and walk all the way upstairs, but he got up all the same.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Chan immediately turned to you with an innocent smile on his face. “Hey, do you wanna go help him? With the amount of snacks we have up there, it’s definitely going to be a two-person job.”

You couldn’t help but be a little impressed - and alarmed - by how natural he sounded.

“Sure,” you replied, pushing yourself to your feet. “Be right back.”

As you were making your way to the front door, you caught the look being exchanged between Changbin and Han, and it was enough to make you pause for a second. Was something up? Had they noticed something?

Whatever it was, it would have to wait. You had a best friend to go confront.

Exiting the apartment, you spotted Felix waiting by the elevator at the end of the hallway. Swallowing down the last of your doubts, you held your head high and broke out into a jog after him.

“Hey, Lix, wait up!”

He jumped at the sound of your voice echoing through the hallway, spinning on the spot to face you.

You slowed to a walk, and finally to a stop next to him.

“I…thought I’d help with the snack run,” you said, rubbing the back of your neck. “If that’s cool?”

Felix nodded. “Yeah, sure. Of course it’s cool.”

So, there the two of you stood. Alone for the first time since the big Morning Incident.

You averted your eyes, staring at the illuminated call button for the elevator. You pressed it again, just for good measure - and for something to _do_ , as a thousand nervous thoughts circled in your mind. “I actually also want to talk to you. Privately.”

“Uh…yeah, that’s fine,” Felix said, although his expression betrayed the fact that he wasn’t entirely telling the truth.

You waited until the elevator doors opened, and the two of you filed into the empty space silently. As they closed, you finally spoke up. “So, things seem…kind of awkward.”

“Awkward? Why would it be awkward?” Felix asked, plastering on a pained smile.

“…Sorry, Lixie, but I don’t think denial’s really working out for us.”

Felix sighed, reaching a hand up and running it through his hair - the dark red fake-blood splatter a striking contrast to the silver. “Yeah.”

“We might, you know… _actually_ have to talk about the thing.”

He didn’t reply.

The elevator doors opened, Felix immediately darting out as soon as there was enough space. You followed behind with a sigh.

You stayed silent as you watched him fumble slightly with the key to his front door, followed him into the empty apartment and even made it all the way to his kitchen without saying another word.

But finally, you plucked up the courage again. You tried to sound casual - ignoring the way your heart was starting to pound - when you spoke up. “Do you _not_ want to talk about it?”

“Uh…I just…” Felix trailed off for a second as he opened the snack cupboard, conveniently blocking you from his line of sight. “I just don’t know what there is to say. An awkward thing happened. We said it was awkward. We decided to move on from it.”

His words struck something in you. Like an itch under your skin, chafing against your nerves. It stewed inside you as he rooted through the cupboard for snacks, twisting into something ugly until - when Felix stepped away from the cupboard to pile the snacks onto the kitchen counter, you had to fight to stop yourself slamming the door shut. It was _definitely_ closed with more force than usual. “You mean _you_ decided that we move on from it.”

Felix’s head snapped around, whether from the sound of the door or the irritation in your voice. Finally, _something_ had cracked through the facade. “Sorry, are you _mad_ at me?”

“I’m not mad!” You snapped.

Felix didn’t look convinced.

“I just…” you stopped, not really sure how to continue. Taking a deep breath, you took a few steps forward towards Felix, not quite in his personal space but maybe just skirting the borders of it. “I’m just annoyed.”

Felix frowned at you, very clearly confused. “Annoyed?”

“You…you’re kind of pulling a Chan move here.”

If he was confused before, he was utterly bewildered now by this sudden turn in conversation. His mouth parted, and you found yourself briefly preoccupied with the sight - how soft they looked, how full. “Pulling a Chan move? What?”

“You’re so convinced that you’re doing the right thing, that you don’t even see that you’re shutting me out to do it.”

You meant for your words to come out calm, rational, controlled.

But Felix always brought out your softness, always gently and entirely unintentionally eased your emotions out like pulling on a delicate thread.

So you shouldn’t have been surprised to hear the waver in your voice.

But Felix was.

“I…” he swallowed. “I’m not trying to…”

“I know,” you said, already overcome with the urge to reassure him, even if you _needed_ to make him see what was going on first. You settled for a compromise, reaching over to settle your hand on his arm, rubbing it. “But…you just immediately decided to forget everything this morning, you didn’t even ask me what _I_ wanted.”

There was a pause, an almost _pulse_ as the atmosphere between you changed. You could _see_ the wheels in Felix’s head start to turn.

“Do you… _not_ want to forget it happened?”

There it was. The big question.

“M-maybe? I don’t know. I just…” You took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say, how to get your thoughts across. “I know that _trying_ to forget and act normal isn’t working. And I know that when you said it would ruin everything…it hurt.”

Felix’s eyes widened. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know. Don’t worry. I just wanted to tell you.”

“So…what happens now?”

You scrambled for an explanation, voicing your thoughts as they came into your head. “The only thing I know _for sure_ is that whatever we do now, it’s something we’ve talked to each other about and…we know where we stand with each other. Where we’re coming from. And how we’re feeling.”

“So, you want honesty? Total honesty?” Felix asked, a little unsure.

“Yes.”

“…Are you sure?”

“Yes! Oh my God! Yes, I want honesty. Total and complete honesty,” you replied, letting out a laugh. It sounded a little strained and just a tiny bit hysterical, but it felt like a weight lifting from your chest.

Felix went silent.

The weight settled back down, pressing against you. “Why? Is there something you don’t want to tell me?”

You expected Felix to look uncomfortable, maybe even guilty. You didn’t expect him to _blush_.

The sight made your breath catch in your throat. Something deep inside you… _really_ liked the way Felix looked, flushing and struggling to meet your eyes.

“I…uh…”

Don’t be shy, you wanted to say. But that seemed just a little bit mean. He was nervous enough as it was.

“The reason why I got so weird this morning was…it wasn’t _just_ about the…”

You had a feeling that if Felix said the word ‘boner’, he would actually spontaneously combust.

You put him out of his misery. “The physical stuff? OK, I get you. So, what was it about?”

“I…” Felix trailed off, flushing even darker, and looked down at the ground. “Holy shit, this is so embarrassing.”

“Come on, it’s _me_ ,” you said, leaning down and tilting your head up to meet his eyes as they stubbornly fixated on the ground. “I promise you can ask me anything after this. We’ll take turns. All my embarrassing secrets are yours. Just tell me.”

“I…dreamt about you.”

For the briefest second, you didn’t get it. You got halfway through the thought ‘ _aw, that_ _’s kind of sweet_ ’ before it clicked.

Oh.

Felix clarified himself. “Like… _that_ kind of dream.”

_Oh_.

He let out a breath. “And it wasn’t the first time.”

You blinked.

“So, when I woke up and realised I was…and you were right there, it felt like…it felt like you _knew_ ,” Felix stumbled over his words, voice shaking. “And I got embarrassed and…yeah…”

Before you knew what you were doing, you launched yourself at him, like a knee-jerk reaction to seeing him so guilty-looking and vulnerable. You wrapped your arms around him as tightly as you could, squeezing him in a hug.

Felix tensed for a fraction of a second, before relaxing into you with relief. He understood what this was, what you were trying to convey to him with action rather than words. He didn’t have anything to be afraid of. You understood.

“OK,” he mumbled into your shoulder. “My turn to ask you something.”

You patted him on the back. “Go for it.”

“Do you… _want_ something to happen between us?” Felix asked, his voice _so_ quiet.

You paused, slowly pulling back your head to stare at him.

_Did_ you? You hadn’t let yourself think this far. You had barely managed to wrap your head around the idea that you _had_ non-platonic feelings for Felix at all.

The more you thought about it, the clearer your answer was.

You looked Felix dead in the eye, banishing all traces of doubt in your mind.

“Yes.”

You _heard_ the sharp intake of breath Felix took at your answer. He froze for a second, completely and shockingly still, before bashfully averting his gaze. “…W-wow, you really did mean total and complete honesty…”

“I mean, if you want _total_ honesty,” you drawled, clocking the way Felix’s eyes darted back up to look at you. There was unmistakable intrigue in his eye, a curiosity. You bit your lip. “I could tell you that I wanted to kiss you this morning.”

And just like that, you had him. You had shocked the bashfulness, the nervousness, all the insecurity right out of him. It almost didn’t feel real, the way you whispered all your secrets to him. But it _was_ real, it _was_ Felix standing there, staring at you with an entirely new expression on his face.

“…Oh.”

You tried to smile, but really it came out as more of a smirk. “Actually, I could tell you I’ve wanted to kiss you _since_ this morning.”

Felix’s lips parted. You were once again struck by how soft they looked, gaze dropping to zero in on them. And you knew Felix had noticed this shift in focus - he _had_ to, he was unable to look at anything _but_ you.

You managed to drag your attention back up to his eyes, leaning in just a little as you did so. To your delight, Felix mirrored you, almost unconsciously dipping his head just a fraction of an inch. You murmured your next words very quietly. “My turn to ask you something again.”

Felix barely looked like he was paying attention to your words, too fixated on the way your mouth moved to form them. “Y-yeah?”

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

Here you were, balanced on the edge of no return, watching Felix as the full reality of your question settled in. The ball was in his court. You were entirely vulnerable to him. It was completely his choice.

He nodded shakily, his reply _barely_ a whisper - but for you, undeniably loud and clear. “Yes.”

At this one word, you rose up onto your tiptoes to press your lips to his.

And you were _right_. They were so _soft_ , and warm and everything you hoped for.

Felix’s hands slowly found their way to the small of your back, almost nervously resting there. He made no move to pull you closer, he just held you.

And kissed you.

It was quiet, and sweet, and perfect.

And it was enough to fuck your _entire_ worldview, every thought you had in your entire life knocked briefly off its axis.

You pulled away, sliding your arms around his neck as you tried to gauge his response. “Was that good, or…or too weird?”

Felix, utterly dazed, leaned down to kiss you again.

“Good,” he affirmed against your lips. “Really good.”

That was reassuring, because there was nothing in your head but mindless bliss and a constant loop of ‘holy shit, holy shit, _holy shit_ ’.

When you chased after his mouth for a third kiss, your eagerness may have gotten the best of you. You stepped in as close as you physically could to him, pressing the entire front of your body against his, and it _still_ didn’t feel close enough. But the way Felix’s hands flattened against the small of your back, the way he tried to pull you in even more, told you he was on exactly the same page.

Tentatively, you opened your mouth just very slightly, taking his bottom lip between your teeth and giving it the gentlest of nips. The effect was instantaneous. Felix made some kind of choking sound at the back of his throat, and his own mouth parted with a gasp.

And all you could think was holy shit, that _worked_? It was just a dumb tip from one of Yeji’s teen magazines, you never even expected to _try_ it, never mind it actually _working_ …

One of Felix’s hands slid up the length of your back, all the way up to cradle the back of your head, pulling you back into the moment.

In a way, kissing Felix brought out the same kind of feelings just hanging out with him did. It was nice, and tender, and made you feel so _calm_.

And then Felix’s fingers tangled in your hair, and that feeling of pull at the roots was…it was a _lot._ Some kind of noise escaped from between your lips - half hum, half _whimper_ \- but you were too far gone to even be embarrassed.

Kissing Felix didn’t feel like the big leap into the unknown you’d expected. It wasn’t some big milestone, some sharp turn off the beaten path.

It felt…natural. Easy. Like little puzzle-pieces finally slipping into place.

And then, you felt it. Nudging against your thigh, the very physical evidence of Felix’s own interest in you.

The sensible choice here would be to gently pull away, and try to talk through the situation a little more.

The only problem was that you weren’t exactly feeling sensible right now.

The opposite, in fact.

So, with a sly sense of curiosity, you tried rocking into him.

The effect was instantaneous. Felix’ entire body shuddered, breath escaping him all at once. You couldn’t hide your smugness at eliciting such a reaction.

Sheepishly, Felix pulled away, putting just a little bit of distance between you. Your arms stayed looped around his neck, as while his own drifted back down to settle on your waist. It was like a strange hybrid of a hug and an awkward slow-dance position. He bit his lip, suddenly finding the wall behind you fascinating.

You grinned. “What’s wrong, Lix?”

“I…I don’t want to get carried away,” he admitted, mumbling his words.

“And why would you get carried away?” You asked, batting your eyes.

“W-well, not only are you…you know, _you_. But you’re literally dressed as _Xena_ ,” he hissed the name ‘Xena’, eyes flickering down to your cleavage before he could stop himself. When he realised you had caught this very obvious look, he shifted his gaze back to the wall. “I’m…um…I’m having a hard time keeping it together, is what I’m saying.”

You couldn’t help but snicker, opening your mouth to retort when Felix cut you off with an uncharacteristically solemn look.

“If you make a joke about ‘hard time’, I _will_ leave.”

You sighed. “Damn it, Lix. It’s…it’s _right_ there. Go on, let me have it.”

“No,” he replied, but he did finally set his sights back onto you. Reaching up carefully, he traced your cheekbone with the pad of his thumb.

You couldn’t help but lean into his touch, beaming up at him. He smiled back.

And, just because you could, you stoop up on your tiptoes to kiss him again.

And you _meant_ for it to just be a little innocent peck, you _swear_.

But it seemed you really overestimated both Felix’s and your own self-control.

Because the _look_ in Felix’s eyes when you pulled away was enough to make you grab his shirt by the collar and pull him back down to meet your lips again.

Before you knew it, one kiss had become two, and then became three, four, and so on as Felix had clearly forgotten his earlier trepidation.

But you hadn’t. And it was important that you made sure he was OK.

You tried to keep casual, your voice a little more breathy than usual. “So, about that getting carried away-”

Felix, it seemed, had moved past the point of being able to engage in snarky banter. Instead, he cut off your words with another kiss.

Undeterred, you withdrew just a little, resting a hand on his chest. “Don’t get me wrong, I am _very_ much into that idea, but…maybe not right _this second_. Maybe we should cool things down just for a bit? Talk a little?”

Felix blinked, lips swollen and eyes still _dark_ , but he seemed to register what you were saying. “Y-yeah…yeah, you’re right.”

“Always am,” you nodded, perfectly serious despite the grin on your face.

He rolled his eyes, which only made you grin wider.

“Did you…um…want to go back downstairs?” Felix asked, reluctantly.

The thought of going back like _this_ , hair mussed and nerves tingling, and trying to hang out with the guys made you snort. “That’s probably not…gonna be the _best_ idea right now.”

“Oh, thank God,” Felix sighed, actually _slumping_ with relief.

You smiled at him, gently patting him on the chest in reassurance. “I was thinking we could…talk a little? About all this? Maybe with some brownies.”

Felix’s eyes widened, and he full-on _pouted_. Your eyes immediately dropped to fixate on that lower lip, almost completely missing his response. “You know, if this was all just some elaborate ruse to get my brownies, I’m gonna be so-”

You couldn’t help but plant another kiss on him, right on that cute little pout.

Reassured, Felix grinned down at you. “That sounds nice.”

“Good,” you replied, before slowly extricating yourself from his hold. You hopped up to one of the kitchen stools, ready for brownies and mushy emotional talk.

Felix wandered to the fridge, but he left his hand rested on the handle, making no move to open it. Instead, he looked back at you, and bit his lip. “Uh…you know, instead of staying in the kitchen, we could…um, if you wanted…maybe…”

You tilted your head, fixing him with a knowing look. “Go to your room?”

His cheeks flushed at your response, and he turned back towards the fridge door.

You grinned. “Sounds good to me.”

* * *

Twenty minutes later, you found yourself laying on Felix’s bed, nestled under him. Two plates of half-eaten brownie lay forgotten on his bedside table, as your mouth wandered down the side of his neck. His arm rested by the side of your head, propping himself up just enough to stop his full bodyweight crushing you beneath. His other hand was exploring the length of your body, stopping just past where the hem of your dress ended at mid-thigh. He let his nails drag across the soft skin there, and you _whined_ against his shoulder.

OK, you had _long_ crossed the threshold of ‘getting carried away’.

And maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. You both trusted each other _implicitly_ , and you were confident that you could speak up at any time if you had second thoughts.

So, you thought dimly as Felix’s mouth found yours, you could finally just _relax_. Go with it, stop over-thinking every thought and feeling you had.

And in celebration of this newfound freedom, or maybe even an exercise in your newfound bravery, your hand slid down his back, meeting his hip before _slowly_ moving inwards.

And just as you heard Felix groan in anticipation, as your fingertips skimmed the band of his underwear…

“Hello? Guys? Felix, bro, it’s been, like, _half an hour._ ”

Chan’s voice came booming from the living room, shattering the moment like a baseball through a window.

“Oh my _God_ ,” Felix hissed, as your hand dropped sheepishly to the mattress. He pushed himself up to a kneeling position, and turned towards his bedroom door to bellow back a response.

“Chan, _seriously_ , you need to leave. Like, _now_.”

“But… _oh!_ ”

“Seriously, get the fuck _out_!”

“I - uh…OK, I can - I’m going now!” Chan announced. You could just make out the sound of his footsteps as he stumbled backwards to the front door. “Uh…you kids stay safe. And…um, be safe…”

Felix _visibly_ cringed. You watched with some amusement as he pressed both hands to his face, _burning_ bright red with embarrassment.

“Seriously, fuck my life.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am so beyond thrilled with how this turned out. Let me know what you thought!
> 
> And, because who says you can't learn things in your steamy kpop fluff, here's the list of 1990s references and some background behind them - and what the 1990s SKZ crew would have to say about them:
> 
> * **The Blair Witch Project** = Released on VHS on October 22, 1999. Reader would have been very lucky to pick one up, because this movie was insanely popular.
> 
> * **Scream 2** = the big horror craze of 1998, riding high on the praise of its predecessor. Changbin is still bitter they killed off Randy. Minho was so sure the killer was Derek.
> 
> * **SmackDown** = 1999 was a big boom period for pro wrestling. I watched the actual episode Chan would have taped that week for research. The "gloating wrestler" mentioned would have been recently-villainous Triple H. (Felix's favourite wrestler is Kane because he thinks he's super cool. Chan's used to be Bret Hart, now he's into the Hardys. Hyunjin is more of a WCW guy, the contrarian he is.) 
> 
> * **"Sexy Trinity"** = The Matrix came out that spring, it was a MASSIVE deal. I did a lot of research into what people wore for Halloween in 1999, and it was 90% Matrix trenchcoats and sunglasses. 
> 
> * **"Sexy Stone Cold Steve Austin"** = another pro-wrestler. I also think a sexy Steve Austin costume would be amazing.
> 
> * **Xena: Warrior Princess** = would have just started its fifth season in October 1999. Another big pop-culture hit. Minho and Jeongin are both big fans of the show, for very different reasons. 
> 
> * **Uhm Jung-hwa** = Korean singer and actress, released one of her most successful albums in 1999. Hyunjin is going to flip his shit when _Marriage Is a Crazy Thing_ comes out. 
> 
> * **Tarzan** = released in June 1999. Changbin's a secret Disney nerd.
> 
> * **Christian Slater** = early 1990s heartthrob. Very interesting that Reader would pick him over the more famous hot dudes like Will Smith and Brad Pitt. Delicate features, heart-shaped face, pointed chin. Sound familiar?


End file.
